My very first blog post! So full of possibilities, so full of promise, so full of hopes and dreams and potential and…abject terror. The terror is dulled somewhat by the knowledge that it’s unlikely more than 3 people will ever read this post. And one of those people will be my boyfriend, who will love me no matter how bad it is. Ah, the comfort of obscurity.
I’m going to start by posting something I wrote back in 2012. Yes, I’m a terrible procrastinator. I thought about starting a blog back then, wrote this down, and then…life got in the way. But I think it shows a good bit about who I am, so I’ll share it now. I hope you enjoy it!
I have recently become aware of several different bucket lists in my life. I only have a vague idea of what’s on the one you’re thinking of–the things I want to do before I die.
But before I put too much effort into that, I’ve asked my kids to make their own bucket lists…of sorts. More like things they want to do before they move out of the house. There are so many things I want them to experience, but I want to make sure I’m focusing my efforts on things they actually WANT to do. Why knock myself out to give them piano lessons, if one of them would rather learn guitar, for instance?
Of course, I have made additions of my own. Hearing an orchestra perform Handel’s Messiah is not on either of their lists. But it is on my list for each of them. There are beautiful experiences out there that they don’t know they want yet, but that I want to give them. I like to think that when they’re grown, they will look back at December of 2012 as a magical time, when they were introduced to the wonder and majesty of Handel’s great opus. I fully realize they might remember it as one of the most boring nights of their lives. But either way, this is something they need to experience.
That’s the thing about parenting. There are certain experiences that we know are important for our children to have, whether or not they prove to be enjoyable.
Here’s the last bucket list I’m coming to terms with. The one God has for me. He has some things on it that I never would have chosen…
Marry an alcoholic…check.
Divorce said alcoholic and become a single mom…check.
Submit to antidepressants and psychotherapy for a season…check.
Leave the church you grew up in, against your parents’ wishes…check.
and most recently,
Use a toilet auger…check.
This last entry is actually what made me aware of my Father’s list. As my toilet backed up, and there was nobody around to fix it for me, I realized it was high time I learned how to unclog a toilet. I like to think of myself as an independent woman, but the truth is, I don’t really like doing the yucky stuff. I thought about calling my dad. Or my brother. Or even my ex. But a voice inside me said, “You’ve got this. You have everything you need.”
And you know, while I won’t pretend I enjoyed unclogging the toilet, I really like knowing that I CAN. He sure knows how to make a bucket list.
Trust God for everything I need…check.
Since then, God has added something pretty wonderful to my bucket list…meet the love of your life. Nowadays, if my toilet backed up, Hercules would be right over to fix it. But again, I like knowing that he doesn’t HAVE to. I’m glad that God taught me some measure of independence during my single years so that I can be a better person for him. I can’t wait to see what’s next on the list.